HOW THIS BOOK IS HELPFUL TO COUNSELORS
How to Help
Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair:
A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful
by Linda J. MacDonald, M.S., LMFT
[Note: "he" and "his" can refer to either a husband or a wife's unfaithfulness]
The author is a Licensed Marriage and
After 22 years of counseling, she wrote this book to
"identify certain behaviors on the part of unfaithful partners that tend to determine
the success or failure of their efforts to save their marriages, post-affair" (p. 9).
These behaviors include:
Understanding the wrongness of his unfaithfulness
Understanding the depth of pain he has caused his spouse.
Three barriers to understanding the damage he has done.
How to remain resilient in spite of setbacks during recovery.
Being realistic about recovery taking time.
Respecting the betrayed spouse by
allowing her to set the pace and type of healing needed,
such as a temporary separation.
Telling the truth about one's unfaithfulness rather than waiting to be discovered.
Showing remorse and shame rather than defensiveness.
Breaking off all contact with the affair partner, including phone calls, texting, emails, and face-to-face.
How to end the affair.
Stumbling blocks to severing ties with the affair partner.
Undoing the damage from one's lies and rationalizations.
Accepting full responsibility for one's affair.
Being patient with the betrayed spouse's emotions and time needed to recover.
Being more sorry for the betrayed spouse's pain than for one's guilt of unfaithfulness.
Growing in expressing true empathy and heartfelt apologies.
Doing whatever it takes to rebuild trust.
Successfully responding to the betrayed spouse's "triggers".
Making amends with your children.
Changing your core character.