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A Lasting Promise -- The Christian Guide to Fighting For Your Marriage
by Scott Stanley, Ph.D.; Daniel Trathen, Ph.D.; Savanna McCain, Ph.D.; and Milt Bryan, M.A.
  2014 (Jossey-Bass: San Francisco, CA)  All rights reserved [352 pages].
[Answer 25 of 55 questions correctly to receive
14 hours of Continuing Education credit.]

PART ONE: FOUNDATIONS
Chapter 1: Naked and Unashamed (p. 3-15)

1. The author makes this statement: "One of the greatest problems for marriages these days is that people __________."
a. don't know what to expect when they get married.
b. have expectations that are too low.
c. expect more than is possible from their relationships.
d. expect that their marriages have about a 50% chance of survival.

2. Prospering spiritually does NOT guarantee that a person will know how to nurture a marriage.

a. True
b. False

Chapter 2: Communication Danger Signs -- Damaging Conflict (p. 16-33)
3. Which is NOT one of the four habits destructive to marital communication explained in this chapter?
a. Escalation
b. Invalidation
c. Disagreement
d. Negative Interpretations
e. Withdrawal and Avoidance

4. Which is NOT true?
a. When couples escalate, they tend to say what they truly think about each other, which is usually nasty and negative.
b. Invalidation includes belittling or disregarding what is important to one's spouse.
c. Spouses who hold negative interpretations of their marriage partners should work hard to look for examples contrary to their negative thinking.
d. Withdrawers are not going to stop withdrawing until the pursuers pursue more constructively and gently.

Chapter 3: Asking God -- Praying for Your Marriage (p. 34-50)

5. When praying for your marriage, the author advises you to pray for all of the following EXCEPT
a. for God to reveal to you your own shortcomings and weaknesses.
b. for God to teach your spouse how to better meet your needs.
c. thanksgiving to God for what is going well in your marriage.
d. for God to change you.

6. Married couples should ask God to help them forgive their spouses for actual sins they have committed as well as things they just don't like about them, such as being messy, being out of shape, or not having the same interests..
a. True
b. False

7. Jesus told which parable to show the importance of not giving up in prayer?
a. The Lost Sheep (Luke 15:1-7)
b. The Unrighteous Steward (Luke 16:1-9)
c. The Unjust Judge (Luke 18:1-8)
d. The Pharisee and the Publican (Luke 18:9-17)

Chapter 4: We Found Your Keys (p. 51-68)

8. Which is NOT true about living together before marriage?
a. It increases marital unhappiness and the risk of divorce.
b. It makes it harder for couples to break up if they discover they are not a good match for each other.
c. It usually leads to marriage.
d. It is not the best choice a couple can make to see if they are compatible for marriage.

9. "Doing one's part" in marriage includes all of the following EXCEPT
a. doing little things that please your spouse without expecting something in return.
b. not attending to any negative or annoying comments made by your spouse, in keeping with Proverbs 19:11 "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense."
c. calmly expressing concerns to your spouse at the right time, without little digs.
d. spouses first have to understand their behavior before they can change it.

10. In order to take time for fun, friendship, physical connection, and spiritual connection, couples should
a. intentionally schedule time for these activities.
b. not talk about their usual problems. They can discuss these at a later time.
c. talk a "time out" if their conversation does escalate.
d. All of the above.

Chapter 5: Talking Without Fighting (p. 69-85)

11. Having a rough day at work or with children can make it more difficult for a spouse to talk or to listen. This is an example of the filter of _____ . When this happens, it is helpful for the spouse just to acknowledge that he or she has had a bad day.
a. inattention
b. emotional states
c. beliefs and expectations

12. When a couple disagrees about what one of them said in the past, they should

a. shift the focus to what they think and feel now about the subject. They will never agree on what that person actually said in the past.
b. try one more time to go over the situation. Maybe they will eventually agree on what was said.

13. The Speaker-Listener Technique is such an effective listening tool because
a. each spouse gets to speak briefly without being interrupted.
b. each spouse paraphrases what the other spouse is saying.
c. disagreements are delayed until both spouses acknowledge being heard correctly.
d. All of the above
.

Finding Solutions and Problems (p. 86-106)

14. Which is NOT part of the TIP Statement?
a. Explaining what your spouse did or did not do that affected you.
b. Recalling another time when they did or didn't do the same thing. Citing repeat behavior may indicate a pattern.
c. Explaining the impact your spouse's behavior had on you.
d. Stating what you would preferred to happen or prefer in the future to happen.

15. Which advice was NOT given in this chapter for couples trying to resolve problems?
a. Work as a team, not adversaries.
b. Break down bigger problems into smaller, more manageable pieces.
c. Evaluate your spouse's ideas during brain-storming, eliminating bad ideas.
d. Reach agreements through compromise. (Philippians 2:4)

Chapter 7: Jars of Clay -- Why Bodies Matter (p. 109-130)
16. The euphoria of initial, intense attraction, also called _____ , can last 2 to 3 years. But it will always fade away for every married couple.
a. falling in love
b. limerence
c. infatuation
d. All of the above

17. In this chapter, the author suggested ways for married couples to keep the amygdala (AMY) from hijacking their rational brain, or the frontal lobe (FLO). Of the following, which was NOT mentioned in this chapter as one of those ways?
a. Prayerfully throwing our worries onto God's shoulders, and meditating on His care for us. (I Peter 5:6,7)
b. Having one or two alcoholic drinks each evening.
c. Slow breathing, intentionally tensing and then relaxing our muscle groups.
d. Increasing physical touch and giving your spouse massages.

18. Which is NOT true about good sleep habits?
a. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimate that 70 million Americans have chronic sleep problems. These problems lead to injuries, chronic diseases, mental illnesses, poor quality of life, increased health care costs, lost work productivity, tiredness, irritability, depression, and decreased ability to cope with challenges.
b. Research by Dr. Neil Stanley shows that many married couples would get better sleep if they slept in separate rooms, which prevents snoring from waking up the other spouse.
c. Couples should have a television in their bedroom. This helps them to fall asleep.
d. Couples should not talk about their problems or conflicts about 2 hours before going to sleep.
e. Using an iPad at bedtime interferes with sleep because the bright, backlit screen decreases one's melatonin, a natural chemical that promotes sleep.


Chapter 8: Handling Events, Understanding Issues (p. 131-149)
19. Power, caring, recognition, commitment, and acceptance are called ______.
a. events
b. issues
c. hidden issues
d. triggers


20. Couples should seek to identify which hidden issue is at work in their discussions when
a. they talk about the same problem over and over again but get nowhere.
b. minor things blow up out of proportion.
c. they avoid talking about certain things.
d. one or both spouses are keeping score.
e. All of the above.

Chapter 9: Unraveling the Mysteries of Expectations (p. 150-169)

21. Marital research shows that wives are more likely to be thinking about leaving a marriage when there is _____, and men are more likely to be thinking about leaving a marriage when there is _____.

a. not enough positive connection; too much conflict

b. too much conflict; not enough positive connection

22. A wife would like her husband to help with more of the household chores. She should
a. say nothing to him. He should catch on just by watching her example.
b. realize that her expectation is unreasonable. He is simply not going to do more chores.
c. ask him specifically to help her.
d. ask him why doesn't he help her more around the house.

23. Jim felt sad when his wife told him to go boating without her because
a. he bought the boat as a family activity.
b. she had previously said she would go and then changed her mind.
c. he was not aware of a hidden issue of wanting to feel cared for by her going with him
.
d. it was evident that she was never going to like boating.

Chapter 10: Protecting "Us" in iWorld -- Marriage and Technology (p. 170-188)
24. The authors believe that many spouses underestimate the potential threat to their marriage when they maintain online contacts with past romantic partners.
a. True
b. False

25. Which is NOT true about pornography?
a. Pornography is addictive because it increases the neurochemical dopamine, sometimes requiring more and more of it to have the same effect.
b. Research shows that married couples who use pornography together have a better sex life.
c. Men tend to find their female partners less attractive after using pornography.
d. Using pornography increases the likelihood of marital infidelity.

Chapter 11: Positive Bonding -- Keeping Fun and Friendship Alive (p. 191-206)
26. All of the following are TRUE about fun times for couples EXCEPT:

a. It is easy for couples to come up with fun ideas
.
b. Active activities are better than passive ones.
c. Include sex in the list of brainstorming ideas.
d. Avoid expensive and time-consuming activities.

Chapter 12: Touch and Sexual Oneness (p. 207-219)
27. Performance anxiety interferes with sexual arousal when spouses

a. become too worried about their progress during lovemaking.

b. are not saying anything.
c. focus on the physical pleasure they are giving and receiving.
d. tell each other what they like.

Chapter 13: Got Your Back -- Carrying Each Other's Burdens (p. 220-239)

28. Oxytocin is a chemical that is increased during
a. hugging.
b. sex.
c. holding hands.
d. all of the above.

30. Which is NOT true?
a. Couples should let each other know when they need support, and the type of support they need the most.
b. If a husband does not know what his wife wants at a given moment, it would be helpful for him to ask, "Honey, do you want me to just listen, or do you need my advice, or can I do anything to help you right now?"
c. After being married for awhile, couples should just "know" what the other spouse wants and needs.
d. The level of support you long for from your spouse may never come.

Chapter 14: The Power of Commitment (p. 243-263)

31. Which is NOT true?

a. It is wrong to stay in a marriage just because of constraints.
b. Happier, dedicated couples are just as likely to have considerable constraints as less satisfied, less dedicated couples.
c. The authors believe that without constraint commitment, most couples would not make it in marriage beyond a few years.
d. The greater the number of constraints, the more likely it is that people will stay in their marriages.

32. All of the following builds dedication to one's marriage EXCEPT
a. mentally devaluing attractive potential partners.
b. believing that you should be rewarded each time you do something positive for your spouse.
c. never bringing up the topic of divorce. Bringing up divorce makes you appear less committed to saving the marriage, and therefore gives you power to manipulate your spouse.
d. doing "little things" for your spouse.

Chapter 15: Forgiveness and Restoration (p. 264-282)
33. Forgiveness is
a. choosing not to remember a wrongdoing.
b. not having any more angry feelings toward someone who wronged you.
c. giving up the right to punish someone who has hurt you.
d. not possible when the offense is too big, as in the case of infidelity that lasted one year.

Chapter 16: Spiritual Blessings and Intimacy (p. 283-296)
34. Lucas and Joan, a Christian couple, built a stronger spiritual connection with each other by
a. praying together.
b. reading Scripture together.
c. going to church together.
d. being hospitable to guests in their home.

Appendix A: Getting More Help with Serious Problems (p. 303-308)
35. The authors recommend that couples can receive sound advice for managing money from a number of good sources, including
a. Dave Ramsey.
b. Crown Financial Ministries.
c. Focus on the Family.
d. Ron Blue.