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Have a New Kid by Friday: How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days
by Dr. Kevin Lehman
© 2008.
(Revell: Grand Rapids, MI). All rights reserved.
[Answer 21 of 30 questions correctly to receive
13 hours of Continuing Education Credit].

 


Introduction (p 15-21)

“It isn’t always the big things that wear you down. It’s the constant battles with attitudes and behavior like eye rolling, talking back, fighting with siblings, giving the “silent treatment,” and slamming doors.” -- p. 16
 

MONDAY -- Where Did They All Come From? (p. 23-36)
1. How did 7-year old Matthew’s mother respond when he said to her in the car, “I hate you”?
a. She gave him a lecture on the proper way he should talk to his mother.
b. She did not give him his routine milk and chocolate-chip cookies after school.
c. She ignored him and pretended he didn’t exist.
d. She sent him to his room for some “time out.”

2. Why does a child misbehave?
a. because the parent has been too lenient.
b. because the child hates the parent.
c. to get the parent’s attention.
d. because the parent has been too strict.

CHANGING YOUR CHILD’S BEHAVIOR
1. Say it once.
2. Turn your back.
3. Walk away.
 

TUESDAY -- Disarming the Dude (or Dudette) with the ‘Tude (p. 37-52)
3. When children are giving their parents a run for their money, the author recommends that parents ask themselves all of the following questions EXCEPT
a. What is the purpose of your child’s behavior?
b. How do you, as the parent, feel in this situation?
c. Is this a mountain (something that will matter in the long run) or a molehill (the situation will take care of itself or is a small concern).
d. How did my parents handle this same situation with me?

3 SIMPLE STRATEGIES
1. Let reality be the teacher.
2. Learn to respond rather than react.
3. B doesn’t happen until A is completed.
 

WEDNESDAY -- Show Me a Mean Teacher, and I’ll Show You a Good One (It’s All I the Perspective) (p. 53-66)

“What parents model sticks -- and sticks well. That’s because every child wants to please his parent. Every child longs for parental approval and can’t stand it when he doesn’t get it. There’s nothing worse than knowing you’ve disappointed your parent.” -- p. 57
 

4. Which of these is characteristic of an authoritative or responsible parent?
a. Makes most of the decisions for the children.
b. Uses reward and punishment to control the child’s behavior.
c. Requires children to eat food that is served them.
d. Allows children to experience the consequences of their behavior.

Talk to your kids. Don’t ask questions. Asking questions puts your child on the defensive. Instead,make open-ended statements such as, “I’ve never thought about it that way. Tell me more.” -- p. 61)
 

THURSDAY -- But What If I Damage Their Psyche? (p. 67-78)

THE PILLARS OF SELF-WORTH
Acceptance
Belonging
Competence
 

5. Praise is not good for children because it links their worth to what they do, so it undermines unconditional acceptance. Most of the time it’s false and drummed up to make them feel good. Encouragement builds competency by emphasizing the act, not the person. Children are then motivated to try something else because they have succeeded in that area. Which of the following is encouragement?
a. “Ethan, you’re really smart for getting an A on that difficult exam.”
b. “Anna, you look so cute in that skirt you picked out. I bet your friends will like it, too.”
c. “Congratulations, Max, on the B you got on that difficult math exam. You studied really hard for it.”
d. “Heather, you’re probably the best soccer player I’ve ever seen.”

FRIDAY -- The Doc Is In …and It’s You (p. 79-89)

THE TOP TEN COUNTDOWN TO HAVING A NEW KID BY FRIDAY
10. Be 100 percent consistent in your behavior.
9. Always follow through on what you say you will do.
8. Respond, don’t react.
7. Count to 10 and ask yourself, “What would my old self do in this situation? What should the new me do?”
6. Never threaten your kids.
5. Never get angry (When you get angry, apologize quickly).
4. Don’t give any warnings. (If you warn your child, you’re saying, “You’re stupid, do I have to tell you twice?”)
3. Ask yourself, “Whose problem is this?” (Don’t own what isn’t yours).
2. Don’t think the misbehavior will go away.
1. Keep a happy face on, even when you want to … do something else.
 

ASK DR. LEHMAN -- A TO Z GAME PLAN THAT REALLY WORKS (p. 91-274)

ALLOWANCES

6. What does the author believe about allowances?
a. Start giving your child an allowance around the age of 5 and start a money market account for him or her.
b. An allowance teaches the children to save up for something they really want without parents giving them extra money to buy it.
c. If a child doesn’t do a chore, the parent can pay someone else (a sibling) to do it out of the child’s allowance.
d. All of the above.

ANGER
7. The best way for a parent to handle a child’s anger is to
a. get them to say what is bothering them.
b. put them in time out.
c. have the child apologize for getting angry.
d. refocus the child’s attention on something else.

ATTENDING YOUR PLACE OF WORSHIP
8. How should parents respond to a teen who refuses to go to church with them?
a. Let the teenager stay home. Don’t get into a power struggle.
b. Assign the teen extra work to be done while the parents are at church.
c. The parents should stay away from home all day after going to church. This way they don’t do anything for the teen while they are away, and the teen misses out on any enjoyable activities.
d. B & C

ATTENTION SEEKING
9. What should parents do when their young child engages in negative, attention-seeking behavior?
a. Ignore the child, who eventually will become focused on something else.
b. Say to the child, “I see you want my attention.” Then ask the child what kind of attention he or she would like from the parent.
c. Put off the child’s need for attention for a short while to teach the child delayed gratification.
d. Refuse to give attention to negative behavior so as not to reinforce it.

BATHING
10. If your 6-, 7-, or 8-year old child refuses to take a bath,
a. put him to bed early.
b. let him skip a day. The next day his friends will tell him he smells which will motivate him to take a bath that night.
c. tell him, “It’s bath time. Do you want me to give you a bath, or do you want to give yourself a bath?”
d. enroll him in a swimming class so he learns to love the water.

BEDTIME BATTLES
11. Which advice does the author NOT give regarding getting children to go to bed early?
a. It’s OK for parents to take a nap with their child in the child’s bed.
b. Establish a simple bedtime routine every night and don’t change it.
c. In general, each child should have his own bed and not sleep in his parents’ bed.
d. Once in bed, the child should stay there. If he gets out of bed, the parents should say, without even looking at the child, “It’s bedtime. You need to go back to bed.”

BED-WETTING
12. The solution for bed-wetting is
a. wait for your child to grow out of the deep-sleep patterns that cause bed-wetting.
b. stop giving your child fluids to drink after 6 pm.
c. using either a buzzer or bell to wake up the child at the first sign of wetness.
d. have your child go to the bathroom right before bedtime.

COMMUNICATING/ NOT WANTING TO COMMUNICATE
13. The best way for parents to get their child to talk to them is
a. to ask him questions.
b. to ask him open-ended questions.
c. to ask him the same kind of questions his friends ask him.
d. to take an interest in the things the child is interested in.

CURFEW
14. Regarding curfew for teenagers, the author believes that
a. parents should specify a time to return home.
b. there should be no curfew.
c. parents can set a later curfew if the teen calls and requests one.
d. parents should say, “Be home at a reasonable hour.” If the teen comes home too late, the parent should deprive the teen of use of the car and going out for not exercising good judgment.

DEFIANCE/PURPOSEFUL DISOBEDIENCE
15. What is the most effective way for parents to respond to their child over 10 years old who is purposively defiant?
a. Use swift and immediate corporal punishment.
b. Use a reward system for compliant behavior.
c. Say “No” to them about everything and then have them reflect in their bedroom about why the parent is saying “No" to them.
d. Ignore them completely.

DRUGS AND ALCOHOL
16. If a teen develops a drinking problem, which is NOT true?
a. If the teen has a parent who drinks responsibly, then that parent is setting a good example.
b. The parent should figure out where the teen is getting all the money to buy the alcohol.
c. The parent who drinks should re-examine the kind of example he is setting for the child.
d. The teen drinks, usually, for one of three reasons: 1) to relax, 2) to escape, or 3) to be accepted.

FIGHTING IN THE CAR
17. Children fight most often in the car because they are in a contained space and are jockeying for a position of dominance. What should parents do when this happens?
a. Either turn up the music on the rear speakers or stop the car, get out, and stretch for awhile.
b. Look in the rearview mirror and ask them to please stop.
c. Stop the car and put the troublemaker up in front with you.
d. Threaten to put them all in their bedrooms when you get home.

IGNORING PARENTS

A child ignores his parents to see how far they will go in finding out “What’s wrong” and making him happy again. If this is happening, the “B doesn’t happen until A is completed principle” works very nice. -- p. 169
 

INTERNET
18. Which was NOT a suggested method for parents to protect their children from Internet pornography?
a. Put their computer in a central location in the house.
b. Get rid of their kids’ computer.
c. Install a safety card that prohibits downloading objectionable material.
d. Get help from websites like www.protectkids.com.

IRRESPONSIBILITY WITH CAR, DRIVING
19. Which is NOT one of the author’s rules for a teenager using the family car?
a. No more than 2 friends in the car with you.
b. No using your cell phone.
c. No alcohol in the car ever.
d. The teen pays for half the auto insurance every 6 months.

ISOLATING ONESELF IN HIS OR HER ROOM
20. It is normal for teenagers to come home and go to their room for awhile. But in the case where they are spending all of their time in their room, the most probable reason is
a. they are doing something they shouldn’t do.
b. they are depressed.
c. they don’t like the home they live in.
d. the parents are pushing them away by asking too many questions.

LATENESS
21. Dr. Lehman believes that a continually late child is late because
a. the child is lazy.
b. being late gets the child more attention than being on time.
c. the child simply has a more relaxed personality-type and is not driven to be on time.
d. one of the parents is too critical and the child is deliberately late to an event or not doing a chore to avoid being criticized by that parent.

LAZINESS/ NO RESPONSIBILITY
22. What is the best way for a parent to respond to a lazy child who doesn’t do a chore after being asked one time to do it?
a. Keep reminding the child to do the chore.
b. Raise your voice so your child knows you are serious.
c. Use the rule “B doesn’t happen until A is completed,” where B is a privilege and A is the chore.
d. Do the chore for the child, then punish the child for not doing it.

NOT GETTING UP IN THE MORNING
23. What should a parent do with a child who won’t get up in time to go to school?
a. The parent should go in and wake the child.
b. Put the child’s alarm clock across the room so the child has to get out of bed to turn it off.
c. Let the child sleep in the next morning and be late for school. The child’s embarrassment in front of the school principal and his peers should help change this habit.
d. Promise to make the child’s favorite breakfast if the child is up on time and ready for school.

OVEREATING
24. The #1 cause for children struggling with weight and overeating is
a. eating junk food.
b. having parents who are obese.
c. not being able to play outside after school hours.
d. playing too many video games.

OVERCAUTIOUSNESS
25. The author believes that over cautiousness in children is caused by
a. not being exposed to a variety of activities.
b. parents who have used praise rather than encouragement, unwittingly setting the child up to fear criticism.
c. the child’s personality which craves order and success.
d. being underdeveloped socially or not having enough friends.

PICKY EATERS

When eating becomes a battle with children, it’s because the parents are too pushy.
 

PORNOGRAPHY

Wise parents set up blockers for objectionable material and periodically check the history button on their kids’ computer.
 

POTTY TRAINING
26. If a child “forgets” to come in and go potty and wets his pants outside, the parent should
a. help him change into dry clothes so he can go outside to play with his friends again.
b. calmly tell him that his playtime outside is over for the day (so maybe the next time he is outside and needs to go potty he will remember to do so).
c. scold him for going potty in his pants so he will remember next time.
d. ask him why he didn’t come in and go potty when he needed to.

PROCRASTINATION

What’s the purposive nature of procrastination? It protects them from criticism because you can’t criticize what’s not done … They fear criticism so much that they will fail to complete the task. -- p 221
 

SPANKING
27. Which advice does the author NOT give about spanking?
a. The proper way to spank a child is one swat with an open hand on the child’s bottom.
b. Spankings should be used for defiant behavior.
c. If you were physically abused as a child you should never spank your own children.
d. When you spank, use an object like a wooden spoon, not your hand.

TALKING BACK

28. When a child talks back to a parent, the parent’s immediate response should be
a. send the child to his room for some time out.
b. tell the child to stop talking back.
c. say nothing, walk away, and get busy doing something else.
d. “Don’t you EVER talk back to me again, young man!”

TEMPER TANTRUMS
29. The most effective way to handle a child’s temper tantrum is to
a. use a stern look and a serious tone of voice to demand that your child stop throwing a tantrum.
b. put your child in time out.
c. turn your back and walk away.
d. offer the child a treat if he stops his tantrum.

UNDEREATING
30. What does the author suggest parents can do for their child if she doesn’t like her body?
a. Enroll her in a sports activity.
b. Get her a membership at a fitness center.
c. Talk about their own imperfections.
d. Fix nutritious meals.