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Hope for the Separated -- Wounded Marriages Can Be Healed
by Dr. Gary Chapman
© 2005.
(Moody Publishers: Chicago, IL) All rights reserved.

[Answer 11 of 15 questions correctly to receive
6 hours of Continuing Education Credit]

 

Chapter One -- What Happened to Our Dream? (p. 13-21)
1. If a Christian couple separates, what does the author say they should do?
a. Turn to the Bible for guidance and encouragement.
b. Do everything possible to reconcile, knowing that God wants them to stay married.
c. Make a list of reasons why they are separated, with the intention of changing their sinful behaviors.
d. All of the above.

Chapter Two -- Taking Constructive Action (p. 23-35)
2. Which is NOT a constructive action recommended by the author while a couple is separated?
a. It is acceptable to acknowledge negative emotions to your spouse as long as it can be done without attacking your spouse.
b. Immediately break off and/or avoid any other romantic relationship. Don’t date anyone else, and don’t have an affair.
c. Identify attitudes and actions you need to change in order for reconciliation to occur.
d. Get legal separation papers completed as quickly as possible.

Chapter Three -- Self-Development During Separation (p. 37-49)
3. The main purpose of this chapter is to
a. identify the cause of the separation.
b. promote independence and self-reliance.
c. encourage each spouse to discover the strengths and weaknesses of their own personalities.
d. develop communication skills.

Chapter Four -- Developing Your Relationship with God (p. 51-64)
4. Why does Dr. Chapman recommend that separated couples read Psalm 77:1-15?
a. Because the Psalmist helps readers to confess their moral failures to God and to each other.
b. Because the Psalmist promises that God will resolve whatever crisis the readers are experiencing.
c. Because the Psalmist describes in great detail what it feels like to be estranged from God.
d. Because the Psalmist gives hope that God will alleviate one’s despair.

5. Which of the following was NOT mentioned as way of growing closer to God?
a. Read about the lives of other Christians, living and dead, who inspired others by how they lived for Christ.
b. Listen to God speaking personally to us by reading the Bible daily and noting certain phrases, sentences, and ideas that He impresses upon us.
c. Confess our marital failures to God, thanking Him that Christ died for our sins, and accepting His forgiveness.
d. Become involved with other Christians through church attendance, Bible study, and prayer groups.

Chapter Five -- Developing Your Relationship with Your Mate (p. 65-74)
6. What is TRUE about confession of sin to one’s spouse while separated?
a. The spouse who left has the primary responsibility of asking for forgiveness and seeking reconciliation.
b. The responsibility for asking for forgiveness and seeking reconciliation lies with both spouses. Both spouses have sins they need to ask forgiveness for from the other.
c. You cannot forgive your spouse unless he or she asks for it.
d. When one spouse asks for forgiveness from the other, he or she should require a confession from the other.

Chapter Six -- Long-Distance Love (p. 75-86)
7. What advice does the author give in this chapter?
a. The spouse who stays should give the spouse who leaves a time limit when to return.
b. Warm emotions will not return on their own. They will only be rekindled when the separated spouses start talking kindly to one another, even if they don’t feel kindness toward one another.
c. If your spouse leaves, you should remind him or her of all the good things you have done, in order to help your spouse to stop thinking so negatively about you.
d. Be courteous to your spouse only if he or she is courteous to you.

8. Where is it taught in the Bible that genuine happiness is the result of making someone else happy?
a. “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” (Acts 20:35)
b. “Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.” (Luke 6:31)
c. “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13)
d. “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:15)

9. The Bible teaches us not to remind our spouses of past mistakes: “Love keeps no record of wrongdoing.” (I Corinthians 13:5). What is a good reason why we should not bring up our spouse’s past mistakes?
a. Bringing up our spouse’s mistakes makes us relive the hurt, pain, and disappointment as though it just happened.
b. No positive purpose is served in bringing up specifics again and again.
c. God doesn’t concern us for sins that are forgiven, so we shouldn’t condemn our spouses for their sins.
d. All of the above.

Chapter Seven -- Tough Love (p. 87-96)
10. With some behaviors such as physical abuse, sexual unfaithfulness, sexual abuse of children, alcoholism, or drug addiction, the author views marital separation as
a. ineffective.
b. against the teachings of the Bible.
c. an act of love.
d. tenuous.

Chapter Eight -- How Will I Handle the Loneliness? (p. 97-108)
11. Which is NOT true?
a. Emotional loneliness comes from the need for intimacy with a spouse or a best friend.
b. Social loneliness, which comes from a sense of detachment from the community, can be dispelled by developing a significant vocation.
c. Loneliness is the same as depression. Both make one stay home and avoid people.
d. Of all our social institutions, the church is the best equipped to care for the needs of the family.

Chapter Nine -- What About My Bitterness? (p. 109-115)
12. Which is NOT true about anger and bitterness?
a. Bitterness becomes a fixed way of thinking and feeling. You become locked into constant thoughts of how you might hurt your spouse. You think about your spouse’s failures over and over again.
b. You cannot be completely free from bitterness toward your spouse until your spouse changes his or her behavior.
c. Bitterness is repressed anger. The best way to get rid of it is to confess it to God as a sin, over and over again.
d. The Bible says it is possible to be angry and not to sin. However, it views all bitterness as sin.

Chapter Ten -- If Your Spouse Returns (p. 117-127)
13. When both spouses are willing to reconcile, what should be the goal of their communication with one another?
a. to agree more with each other.
b. to understand each other more.
c. to argue less.
d. to begin thinking more like the other spouse.

Chapter Eleven -- If Your Spouse Demands a Divorce (P. 129-140)
14. In the event of a pending divorce, what advice does the author give?
a. Get separate lawyers if you cannot agree on an equitable settlement.
b. The rejected spouse should agree to any demands that the spouse who left makes in the hope that this will begin a reconciliation.
c. It is appropriate for the spouse who left to compensate for his or her guilt by granting more property to the other spouse.
d. It is advisable to get the waiting period over with as soon as possible, even if it means agreeing to an inequitable distribution.

15. According to the Bible,
a. all remarriage after divorce is sinful.
b. remarriage is sinful unless the divorce was caused by fornication or desertion.
c. remarriage is encouraged for widows and widowers.
d. remarriage is encouraged so children will have two parents in the home.