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Love as a Way of Life -- Seven Keys to Transforming Every Aspect of Your Life (Kindness, Patience, Forgiveness, Courtesy, Humility, Generosity, Honesty)
by Dr. Gary Chapman © 2008
(Waterbrook Press: Colorado Springs, CO) All rights reserved [256 pages]
(16 hours)
[Answer 14 of 20 questions correctly to receive 11 hours of Continuing Education credit.]

Chapter Two: Kindness -- Discovering the Joy of Helping Others (p. 15-39)

KINDNESS = The joy of meeting someone else's needs
before your own simply for the sake of the relationship.
 

1. Which is NOT true about kindness?
a. One act of kindness provokes another act of kindness.
b. Acts of kindness, large or small, communicate, “You are a person of value.”
c. Kindness is at its best when we have to stop and think about whether it is worth it.
d. It’s not our responsibility to make people respond positively to our expressions of kindness.

2. Which would NOT help develop a habit of kindness?
a. Keep track of my unkind words and apologize for them.
b. While driving alone in traffic, rephrase my negative statements about other drivers into positive statements.
c. Remember that every person is valuable.
d. Deciding to be kind to others only when they are kind to me.

Chapter Three: Patience -- Accepting the Imperfections of Others
(p. 40-64)

PATIENCE = Allowing someone to be imperfect
 

When someone is particularly impatient toward you, consider it
an opportunity to be particularly patient toward him or her. (p. 47)
 

3. In the example of Mrs. Bradley, the demanding hospital patient who pushed her call button every 2 or 3 minutes, Carol the RN adopted the strategy of meeting Mrs. Bradley’s needs before she could voice them. Carol adopted this strategy because
a. she didn’t want to get in trouble with her boss by receiving a bad report from Mrs. Bradley.
b. she discerned that Mrs. Bradley was alone and afraid, so that by letting her know that Carol was aware of her, Mrs. Bradley could relax.
c. she found that it was less frustrating to meet Mrs. Bradley’s needs before the call light came on.
d. she was trying to impress her superiors that she could handle a particularly difficult patient.

4. The author tells the story of the wife who criticized her husband for forgetting to pick up a can of baby formula on the way home from work (p. 58-59). The following Sunday she heard a sermon on learning to control anger and frustration. The pastor shared two proverbs which changed the wife’s life: (1) Proverbs 30:32-33 “If you have been foolish in exalting yourself or if you have plotted evil, put your hand on your mouth, for the churning of milk produces butter, and the pressing of the nose brings forth blood; so the churning of anger produces strife.” (2) Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” The wife made two decisions: (1) To put her hand over her mouth each time she realized she was saying something judgmental, and (2) to speak softly when she was upset. These decisions were an example of
a. the Marshmallow Test.
b. responding positively to the power of shame and guilt.
c. a conscious effort to slow down and not be in a hurry.
d. finding a method to break a negative pattern and replacing negative behaviors with positive behaviors.

Chapter Four: Forgiveness -- Finding Freedom from the Grip of Anger (p. 65-85)

FORGIVENESS = Using honesty, compassion, and self-awareness
                         to reconcile with someone who has hurt you.
 

5. What does forgiveness do?
a. It removes all the consequences of wrong-doing.
b. It immediately restores trust.
c. It removes the memory of the offense so one won’t be bothered by it any more.
d. It sets one free from anger, resentment, and a desire to strike back.

6. Which is NOT true?
a. Simple irritation with someone’s behavior calls for forgiveness.
b. If the person who wronged you will not apologize, it is still possible to release that person to God’s love and justice and to release both your anger and desire for revenge.
c. If you have been wronged, your anger is legitimate. It should motivate you to confront the person who wronged you and seek reconciliation. But your anger should be a visitor, not a resident. Anger that is brooded over becomes bitterness and possibly hatred.
d. We should demonstrate love to those who mistreat us.

Chapter Five: Courtesy -- Treating Others as Friends (p. 86-110)

COURTESY = The act of treating everyone as a personal friend.
 

7. Which is the best example of a courteous way to disagree with someone?
a. “I think you’ve been misinformed. Let me tell you what I know.”
b. Slightly raise your voice so the person knows how strongly you feel about the subject.
c. “I understand what you are saying, and it makes a lot of sense. Let me share my perspective which is somewhat different.”
d. Disagree early into the conversation so that the other person isn’t misled into elaborating on a point of view he thinks you agree with.

8. What should I do when I encounter someone who is rude, hostile, arrogant, or distant?
a. Avoid the person.
b. Ask the person to please stop being rude.
c. Assume the person is struggling and show courtesy to him or her.
d. Be assertive, not passive.

DEVELOPING A COURTEOUS MINDSET
            
1. All people are valuable.
2. All people have the potential to be part of positive relationships.
3. All people are struggling.
4. All people need love.
5. All people will be enriched by courtesy.
 

Chapter Six: Humility -- Stepping Down So Someone Else Can Step Up (p. 111-132)

HUMILITY = A peacefulness of heart that allows you to stand aside
      in order to affirm the value of someone else.
 

9. Which great example of humility was not discussed in this chapter?
a. Mother Teresa of Calcutta.
b. Bill Wilson, founder of Alcoholics Anonymous.
c. author G.K. Chesterton
d. President George Washington

10. The author uses all of the following as a basis for developing humility EXCEPT
a. I have nothing that I have not received.
b. My knowledge of the universe is limited.
c. I am utterly dependent on something outside myself for life.
d. A team of individuals working together can accomplish more that the individuals working by themselves.

Chapter Seven: Generosity -- Giving Yourself to Others (p. 132-158)

GENEROSITY = Giving your attention, time, abilities, money,
and compassion freely to others
 

11. If you don’t have a lot to give, how can you develop a spirit of generosity?
a. You can take interest in others by asking them good questions.
b. You can learn from Albert Lee, a shoeshine man who over the years has donated more than $100,000 in tips to the Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh.
c. You can still give 10% of your income.
d. all of the above.

12. Who is NOT an example of generosity?
a. John D. Rockefeller, one of the wealthiest men of the last century.
b. Hetty Green (1834-1916), one of the world’s richest women during her time.
c. Bill Gates, at one time the richest man in the world.
d. Warren Buffet, one of the wealthiest men who ever lived.

Chapter Eight: Revealing Who You Really Are (p. 159-183)

HONESTY = A loving consistency in speech, thought, and action
 

13. A reliable guideline for being honest with others is:
a. tell everything we know (total transparency).
b. verbalize all our emotions.
c. tell the truth in important matters, but allow for little white lies if they prevent you from being embarrassed.
d. speak the truth in a loving manner.

14. In rebuilding trust after adultery, the author advises
a. a temporary separation and professional counseling.
b. the betrayed spouse to make a list of demands that must be fulfilled by the perpetrating spouse.
c. the betrayed spouse to have complete access to the perpetrating spouse’s computer, cell phone, and financial records.
d. the betrayed spouse to periodically unload rage and anger for all the hurt caused by the perpetrating spouse.

Chapter Nine: Making Love a Way of Life in Marriage (p. 187-199)

Social scientists tell us the average life span of this “in love”
feeling is two years. Then we come down off the emotional high,
all the euphoria evaporates, and we discover that we are not in
fact lovers. We are two self-centered people who have made
promises to each other that we are incapable of keeping.
Euphoria is replaced with hurt, anger, disappointment, and fear.
Understanding the truth about love is the only thing that will open
the doorway to a lifelong loving relationship. Love is an attitude
that leads to a change in behavior. Love seeks the well-being of
another and finds meaningful ways to express it. These
expressions of love stimulate warm emotional feelings inside
the other person. When our spouse reciprocates, we also feel
warmly toward him or her. (p. 190)
 

15. One husband told the author, “I wish my wife would close the dresser drawers when she gets what she needs. But after two years I finally realized she doesn’t have a drawer-closing gene. After that, I accepted closing the drawers as my responsibility.” This husband was exercising the characteristic of
a. kindness = the joy of meeting his wife’s needs.
b. patience = allowing his wife to be imperfect.
c. forgiveness = reconciling with his wife for the hurt she was causing him.
d. courtesy = treating his wife as a personal friend.

16. Toward improving their marriage, the author suggested that if Charlotte had expressed her need for John’s affirmation when she left her job, her resentment might not have built up over time. Dr. Chapman also advised John to tell Charlotte the financial burden he felt in his job. His advise was an example of
a. honesty.
b. courtesy.
c. humility.
d. generosity.

Chapter Ten: Making Love a Way of Life in Parenting (p. 200-209)
17. The parent who responds with a soft voice to a child who is yelling and screaming is exhibiting
a. kindness.
b. forgiveness.
c. courtesy.
d. generosity.

Humility means willing to improve our parenting skills while
not assuming all responsibility for our child’s misbehavior.

Humility acknowledges our weaknesses as parents
but does not dwell on them. (p. 206, 207)
 

18. In being honest with Caleb, who did not want to perform in the musical, Julie responded with
a. “I know you'll have a great time.”
b. “Mrs. Horner told me she was sad you were thinking of missing the musical.
c. “I think it’s important that you keep the promise to Mrs. Horner that you would be in the musical.”
d. “I understand why you don’t want to be in the musical. How about a day off from school?"

Chapter Eleven: Making Love a Way of Love in the Workplace (p. 210-219)

19. Which of the following was NOT mentioned in this chapter.
a. One of the best ways to develop an attitude of kindness in the workplace is to assume the best of the people with whom we work.
b. The best person to vent with about work is a co-worker because he or she understands what you are going through.
c. Courtesy means not talking loudly on your cell phone, showing up to work on time, knocking before entering an office, and refraining from gossip.
d. True honesty at work means not telling lies about others, not making up inaccurate information to cover up a mistake, not stretching the truth for one’s own benefit, and not flattering someone falsely to get ahead.

Chapter Twelve: The Motivation to Love (p. 220-230)
20. Early in his own marriage, the author found himself thinking he had married the wrong person. What Biblical teaching turned his marriage around for good?
a. When his wife started being more submissive. (Ephesians 5:22)
b. When he changed his attitude to serve his wife as Christ served His followers. (John 13:12-15)
c. When he became a better provider. (I Timothy 5:8)
d. When he spent considerable time in prayer for a better marriage. (John 14:13,14)