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The Five Languages of Apology -- How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships
by Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Jennifer Thomas
© 2006
(Northfield Publishing: Chicago, IL)
All rights Reserved.
[Answer 11 out of 15 questions correctly to receive
10 hours of Continuing Education credit.]

 

Chapter 1 -- Why Apologize? (p. 17-23)
1. Which of the following is taught in the Bible?
a. a wife needs to forgive her husband even if he continues an adulterous affair.
b. God forgives those who are unrepentant.
c. Christians should forgive others in the same manner that God forgives us: when we confess our sins.
d. Forgiveness without an apology can lead to reconciliation.

Chapter 2: Apology Language #1 -- Expressing Regret (p. 25-35)

           “What most people are looking for in an apology is sincerity. They want the
            apology to be genuine…Apology is birthed in the womb of regret. We regret
            the pain we have caused, the disappointment, the inconvenience, the betrayal
            of trust. Regret focuses on what you did or failed to do and how it affected the
            other person. The offended one is experiencing painful emotions, and they
            want you to feel some of the pain. They want some evidence that you realize
            how deeply you have hurt them.” -- p. 25-6
 

2. Which statement best represents a genuine admission of regret?
a. “I’m truly sorry for what I said. Are you sorry for what you said?”
b. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
c. I’m sorry for yelling at you, but I might not have if you hadn’t provoked me.”
d. “I’m sorry for hurting you. I should have been more thoughtful.”

Chapter 3: Apology Language #2 -- Accepting Responsibility (p. 37-50)
3. The most effective way for you to take responsibility for a mistake is to say
a. “I’m sorry you were hurt.
b. “I was wrong.”
c. to express strong emotion.
d. to explain why you behaved that way.

Chapter 4: Apology Language #3 -- Making Restitution (p. 53-67)
4. The best way to make restitution to your spouse is to
a. say “I’m sorry” and then do something helpful.
b. apologize and then spend time with your spouse.
c. lavish your spouse with praise and affirmation.
d. make it in your spouse’s own particular love language.

Chapter 5: Apology Language #4 -- Genuinely Repenting (p. 69-88)

5. Which best describes genuine repentance?
a. a determination to change destructive behavior.
b. never making the same mistake twice.
c. being sorry for one’s behavior.
d. apologizing for a mistake but knowing, realistically, you’re going to fail again.

Chapter 6 -- Apology Language #5 -- Requesting Forgiveness (p. 91-102)

6. Requesting forgiveness is especially difficult for individuals who
a. have strong controlling personalities.
b. like to argue.
c. have a gregarious nature.
d. are analytical, rational thinkers.

Chapter 7 -- Discovering Your Primary Apology Language (p. 105-117)

7. How can a husband or wife determine their spouse’s apology language?
a. by asking: “What can I say or do in order for you to forgive me?”
b. by asking: “What hurts you most about what I said or did?”
c. by describing the five aspects of an apology and then asking “Which is the most important part of the apology?”
d. all of the above.

Chapter 8 -- Apologizing Is a Choice (p. 119-135)

WHY SOME PEOPLE DON’T APOLOGIZE

                             -- They don’t value the relationship.
                             -- “It was the other person’s fault.” (blame-shifting)
                             -- They have an insensitive conscience.
                             -- They have low self-esteem.
                             -- They see apologizing as a sign of weakness.
                             -- Their parents never apologized nor taught them to do so.
 

 

WHY SOME PEOPLE APOLOGIZE TOO MUCH

                    -- They have poor relationship skills, so they offend people often,
                        and apologize often.
                    -- They have low self-esteem and assume everything is their fault.
                    -- They dislike conflict and want to settle the issue quickly. They will
                        apologize even when it is not their fault.
 

8. Sometimes people refuse to apologize for their own wrongful behavior because they say they were simply responding to someone else’s wrongful behavior. “They started it. They’re at fault. Not me.” The authors address this by referring to which biblical teaching?
a. Matthew 7:6 -- Do not give what is holy to dogs and do not cast your pearls before swine.
b. Exodus 21: 23,24 -- But if there is injury, then you should appoint as a penalty life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, etc.
c. Romans 12:17-19 -- Do not repay anyone evil for evil and do not take revenge.
d. Proverbs 22:24 -- Do not associate with angry people.

Chapter 9: Learning to Forgive (p. 137-151)
9. Which is NOT taught in this chapter?
a. Forgiveness means choosing to lift the penalty that others deserve for their sins.
b. We should forgive an offender when he or she is unwilling to apologize.
c. Our ability to forgive comes from God.
d. If a husband has committed adultery, the best way for him to rebuild the trust of his wife is to give her complete scrutiny of his private life (full access to cell phone records, his computer, etc.)

Chapter 10: Learning to Apologize in the Family (p. 153-171)
10. After not speaking to his brother for 5 years, Michael, with the help of the author, took the difficult step of apologizing for overreacting to him after their Mother’s funeral. His brother responded by
a. getting angry and retaliating.
b. ignoring him.
c. gloating that he had been right all along.
d. asking forgiveness for his own behavior and restoring the relationship.

Chapter 11: Teaching Your Child to Apologize (p. 173-190)
11. Which is NOT true?
a. It is not necessary for parents to scream and yell when disciplining their children.
b. Parents should not apologize to their children because it will cause the children to lose respect for them.
c. Parents are more likely to be consistent in disciplining their children if they discuss what consequences to use ahead of time.
d. A two-year-old child can be taught to apologize.

Chapter 12: Apologizing in Dating Relationships (p. 193-203)
12. Which is the healthiest dating couple?
a. Both the man and the woman feel a way about the other that they have never felt with anyone else before.
b. One is good about saying “I’m sorry” while the other usually says “Please forgive me.”
c. Each person expresses remorse and regret after making a mistake.
d. Each apologizes in the other’s primary apology language.

Chapter 13: Apologizing in the Workplace (p. 205-216)
13. Dr. Michael Woods, a Colorado surgeon, was sued by a patient after a complicated appendectomy because, according to the patient,
a. he acted like he didn’t care since he failed to offer a sincere apology.
b. the doctor showed negligence in his supervision of a medical student.
c. the patient was advised to do so in order to prevent further medical mistakes to other patients and their families.
d. the doctor had a history of malpractice that the patient subsequently discovered.

Chapter 14: Apologizing to Yourself (p. 219-228)
14. What was NOT included in Jordan’s self-apology?
a. an admission of gross wrongdoing.
b. a sincere expression of regret.
c. an acknowledgement that he is only “human”.
d. a determination to remain sexually pure until marriage.

Chapter 15: What If We All Learned to Apologize Effectively? (p. 232-234)
15. Who said: “I need someone to forgive me”?
a. Gary Chapman’s 5-year-old granddaughter.
b. a homeless man.
c. the CEO of a large corporation.
d. a well-known athlete.