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The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
by Dr. Laura Schlessinger
© 2004. (Paperback)
(HarperCollins: New York, NY) All rights reserved. [180 pages].
[Answer 14 of 20 questions correctly to receive
9 hours of Continuing Education credit].

 

Introduction (p. xiii-xxiii)
1. Most wives who complain that they are not getting what they want from their husbands should
a. enlist the help of a professional marriage counselor to change their husbands.
b. bargain and negotiate with their husbands to make necessary changes.
c. stop and look at how disrespectful and disdainful they are of their husbands.
d. become more effective communicators in expressing their expectations.

Chapter 1: The Improper Care and Feeding of Husbands (p. 1-13)
2. What does Dr. Laura challenge wives to do who are unhappy in their marriages?
a. to behave “as if” things were lovely in their marriages (i.e. a call of affection during the day, a kiss at the door, a nice outfit when at home, etc.)
b. to depend upon themselves for a career and financial security.
c. to first cultivate feelings of affection for their husbands which then can lead to respectful behaviors.
d. to expose the double standard that men have: husbands have a right to complain about their wives’ insensitivity but wives just need to put up with their husbands.

3. At the end of this chapter, Kaye, a listener who used to complain about her husband, now does all of the following EXCEPT
a. thanking God daily for such a terrific husband, mentioning the specific qualities for which she is grateful.
b. reading books that describe the ideal family and marriage.
c. looking for ways to be a blessing to her husband.
d. taking responsibility for her own emotional well-being.

Chapter 2: The White Rabbit Syndrome (p. 15-35)

4. Suppose you are a wife who doesn’t give her husband attention because you’re too busy and tired from taking care of the kids, doing housework, running errands, and having a career outside the home. You even resent your husband having needs since you are too stressed to meet them. What would the author advise you to do?
a. Rearrange your priorities to make your husband your #1 concern.
b. Realize that by being loving, attentive, and playful with your husband you actually would reduce your stress by increasing your joy.
c. Take better care of yourself so you are not too tired for your husband. Also, your husband needs your affection, approval and acceptance that comes from sexual intimacy.
d. all of the above.

5. Why does Dr. Laura believe that many wives and mothers are too busy?
a. Their husbands make too many unreasonable demands and are too insensitive to what their wives do all day long.
b. Husbands don’t do their fair share of household chores and child care.
c. Most women accepted the “having it all” battle cry of the Feminist Movement” which placed personal success and accomplishment over love, marriage and family.
d. They should stop working outside the home and be stay-at-home moms. This would greatly simplify their lives.

Chapter 3: “You’re a Nag!” (p. 37-64)
6. Rachel, who had been married for one year and thought that nagging was an “inherent right of wifehood,” wanted to find out why she and her husband argued every day. She discovered that
a. as soon as she stopped complaining, they argued less and their marriage got better.
b. her husband needed to spend more time with his male friends.
c. they were both too busy and needed to simplify their lives.
d. they needed to spend more time together.

7. What is the most effective way for a wife to motivate her husband to do household chores?
a. Keep reminding him to do them until he does them.
b. Reward him every time he does them with a kiss and a word of thanks and appreciation.
c. Tell him about other wives she knows whose husbands help with chores.
d. Just ask him to do them. She shouldn’t have to “schmooze” her husband to do chores. Nobody rewards her when she does her chores.

             All of this criticism of men does not make them feel more loving, and it also makes the complaining
             wife feel less love for her husband. That’s true; the very act of criticism destroys warm feelings toward
             the target of that criticism. But on the other hand, the simple elimination or diminution of criticism
             adds to loving feelings. - p. 48
 

             Many women…have developed a wall of pain and disappointment. They don’t want to be hurt again.
             They become hypersensitive and take quick leaps into misassumption. Wives need to love their
             Husbands as though they’ve never been hurt before. Otherwise, they destroy today. - p. 51
 

8. The author steers married women away from all of the following EXCEPT
a. women’s groups where men-bashing is the norm.
b. feminist-oriented psychotherapists.
c. girlfriends who gripe and gossip about their husbands’ weaknesses.
d. religious morality, modesty, fidelity, and chastity.

9. If a wife is uncomfortable with her husband’s 8-year-old son (from a previous marriage) coming to stay with them for the summer, what should she do?
a. Work out a compromise with her husband so the boy comes for only part of the summer.
b. Just hold firm that the boy cannot come.
c. She should schedule a busy summer for herself so she is not home very often.
d. Be uncomfortable and have her step-son stay for the summer. She should honor her husband’s obligations to be a father to his son.

Chapter 4: Men Have Feelings? Really? You’re Kidding! (p. 65-90)

10. The main source of husbands’ bad attitudes, negative responses, and disappointing behavior is
a. their wives’ attitude toward them and their feelings.
b. the stress of their jobs.
c. financial pressures and the rising cost of living.
d. the lack of sexual intimacy with their wives.

11. Which is NOT true?
a. A wife should treat her husband as the leader of their family.
b. The husband should be the major breadwinner in the family.
c. A wife should distance herself from her husband if he comes across too “needy”.
d. A wife should greet her husband after work with love and enthusiasm.

12.Valerie’s husband did not like her cat. Valerie trivialized her husband’s feelings about the cat because
a. she wrongly interpreted his feelings as an attempt to control her instead of being a reasonable request.
b. her husband tended to trivialize her feelings and she was just paying him back.
c. she was trying to get him to be more compassionate toward animals.
d. she was tired of always letting him have his way and decided to take a stand.

13. Why did Dr. Laura advise Chris to be more agreeable with their husband about disciplining their 15-year-old daughter?
a. So that Chris would set a proper example for their daughter when she gets married, of how a wife should cooperate with her husband.
b. So that she would prevent their daughter from having all the problems that come with being spoiled and getting her own way.
c. So she would shift her focus from “being liked” by her child to being a parental partner.
d. all of the above.

Chapter 5: “Huh? Honey, What Did You Say? What Did That Mean?” p. 90-117)

            Men are more likely to perceive their wives as being close, loving, and intimate when the wives wear
            something revealing to bed, make them a sandwich…, or suggest that they go play some rounds of
            golf with their buddies. Women are more likely to perceive their husbands as being close, loving, and
            intimate when the men do what they’ve been told or asked to do, give romantic gifts, or listen patiently
            -- and without comment -- for the Nth time to the same emotional account of some old grievance with
            a friend, relative, or co-worker. - p. 93
 

14.Kelly, one of Dr. Laura’s listeners, has improved her marriage by doing which of the following?
a. Giving her husband a half-hour to unwind when he comes home from work.
b. Saying less and choosing the best time to talk.
c. Taking 20 minutes every day to connect intimately with her husband: sometimes sex, a massage, or cuddling.
d. Taking her problems to God first and sorting them out so she won’t “dump” them on her husband.

            Much of the psychotherapeutic profession is populated by folks with an agenda: Traditional values
            are out, men are the bad guys, and women are oppressed. Their cure is either to feminize the husband
            or suggest divorce. -- p. 99
 

15. Which is NOT true?
a. Men communicate their love primarily through action.
b. If a husband forgets his own wedding anniversary it means he doesn’t really love his wife.
c. The best way for a wife to express her expectations to her husband is through simple, declarative sentences such as, “Honey, I got my hair cut and styled today. Do you like it?”
d. Women usually put their husbands’ feelings before their own.

People will do more of what you praise them for. - p. 116
 

Chapter 6: “What’s Sex?” (p. 119-142)
16. Which of the following statements is NOT made in this chapter?
a. The most important thing a wife has to give to her husband is herself; therefore that “self” needs to be taken care of and then shared.
b. It is not absolute perfection that men desire from their wives; it’s the effort the wives put in to pleasing their men that seems to make the most impact. It means that men appreciate that their wives care about their “male nature,” which responds dramatically to visual stimulation.
c. Husbands’ preoccupation with their wives’ bodies, to watch them in the simple act of undressing or see them wearing something sexy, reflects a shallow self-centeredness.
d. Guys have a natural and deep desire to be with a woman who cares enough about herself to look good for her mate.

17. If, on a particular evening, a wife is not enthusiastic about making love, how should she respond to her husband’s flirtations?
a. Be honest and ask him to wait for another evening.
b. Make a choice to go ahead and have sex with a good attitude. There’s a good possibility she will enjoy their time together.
c. Just go through the motions and get it over with as soon as possible.
d. Tell him she really can’t enjoy sex on the nights she doesn’t feel like having it.

            I’m convinced that most of the oppression women experience is of their own making -- through their
            misguided choices and attitudes. - p. 135-6
 

Chapter 7: A man Should Be Respected in His Own Home (p. 143-170)

            Another listener wrote in to confess that she used to be hypercritical of her husband: In the end…
            what matters is that our sons have learned that their daddy is an awesome, competent, and loving
            caretaker. More important, I have learned that I set an example for my sons of how a wife should act.
            Would I want my sons to marry someone who treats them the way I used to treat my own husband?
            NO! - p.158
 

18. Which argument is NOT made in this chapter?
a. The Bible teaches that a wife must submit to her husband even when he is wrong.
b. If a wife treats her husband like a man he will act like a man.
c. It is easy for a woman to love; that is the way God made her. It is more difficult for her to show respect.
d. Men need respect -- and the more respect they’re shown, the more love they give in return.

Chapter 8: Guy Time (p. 171-180)
19. How did the wife who is married to the musician learn to cope with his away time?
a. She didn’t. She still resents his being away for long hours.
b. She accepted his time away and uses it to get private time of her own.
c. She decided to go with him to his practices and performances.
d. none of the above.

20. What does Dr. Laura mean when she uses the metaphor of the "animal you chose to bring home”?
a. Wives need to accept and respect their husbands for who they are and stop resenting them or trying to change them.
b. Wives have a greater capacity to nurture others than their husbands do.
c. Husbands tend to be more aggressive, physical, and dangerous.
d. Wives tend to be more sensitive, emotional, and loving.