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The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On
by Dawn Eden
© 2006.(Thomas Nelson: Nashville, TN). All rights reserved. [212 pages]
[Answer 18 of 25 questions correctly tol receive
9 hours of Continuing Education Credit].

 

Introduction (p. ix-xii)
1. Which statement does Dawn (the author) make in her introduction?
a. All the sex I ever had -- in and out of relationships -- never brought me any closer to marriage or even being able to sustain a committed relationship. By viewing sex as a means to an end rather than the fruit of a loving relationship, I rendered myself incapable of having a loving relationship.
b. The fruit of casual sex is the persistent habit of objectifying sexual partners to the point of being unable to perceive people except in terms of how they relate to one’s own wants and desires…Sex before marriage relies on faith that a man who has not shown faith in you --that is, enough faith to commit himself to you for life -- will come around through the persuasive force of your physical affection…A man who is attracted to you will eventually learn who you really are -- but by then, if all goes according to the rules, your hooks will be in too deep for him to escape.
c. Chastity relies on faith that God, as you pursue a closer walk with Him, will lead you to a loving husband. Chastity opens up your world, enabling you to achieve your creative and spiritual potential without the pressure of having to play the dating game. Your husband will have you for yourself -- your heart, mind, body, and soul.
d. All of the above.

Chapter One: Not the Same Old Song (p. 1-9)

In a vicious cycle, single women feel lonely because they are not loved,
so they have casual sex with men who do not love them. -- p. 2
 

2. What made Dawn say “No” to Steve’s invitation to spend the night?
a. She envisioned having breakfast with him the next morning. She contrasted how much more choosy and specific she was about what she ordered for breakfast than with the man she would want to share every breakfast with the rest of her life.
b. Still thinking about the next morning, she reasoned that even if they fell in love with each other afterwards, it still didn’t change the fact that the night before they would have used one another if they slept together. And she didn’t think that having sex to fall in love would be a good recipe for a lasting marriage.
c. Still thinking about the next morning, she reasoned that even if she didn’t fall in love with Steve, she would feel an attachment to him if they had sex. That sense of attachment would make the separation after breakfast that much harder.
d. All of the above.

Chapter Two: Sex and the Witty -- Getting a Rise Out of Chastity (p. 11-19)
3. What did Dawn mean when she said that “the best sex I ever had was with a man who didn’t love me”?
a. The man was a great lover in terms of sexual technique.
b. The man was very gentle, kind, and a great listener.
c. She was having sex with her fantasy of him. The sheer shock of being physical with a man who had acted so distant made her imagine an emotional intimacy that really wasn’t there.
d. She was thinking of another man while she was having sex with this one.

Chapter Three: Becoming a Singular Sensation (p. 21-29)
4. Dawn quotes Psalm 107:36 “There He makes the hungry dwell” and Matthew 5:6 “those who hunger and thirst for righteousness.” How does she explain this “hunger”?
a. It’s possible to get most of your needs met.
b. Our hunger for sex is just like our hunger for food.
c. Accept that you will never be fully satisfied on this earth. Use your longings to become aware of how dependent you are upon God for everything.
d. The love between a husband and a wife is best described as a mutual effort to please or satisfy one another.

Chapter Four: The Agony and the Ecstasy -- Countering the Culture (p. 31-39)
5. Dawn states that choosing to live a chaste (sexually abstinent) life puts her in conflict with a culture that “relentlessly puts forth the idea that lust is a way station on the road to love.” The struggle to remain chaste can be a long, drawn-out ordeal as indicated by the New Testament’s use of the word “conflict”, translated from the Greek word “agon”, which means “agony”. What did the author say was the MOST challenging part of chastity?
a. overcoming temptation.
b. gaining spiritual resources to joyfully face day-to-day life as a cultural outsider.
c. becoming convinced that having premarital sex actually makes her less likely to gain a good husband.
d. finding a man who will love her for her weaknesses, insecurities, and shortcomings.

Chapter Five: The First Cut is the Deepest (p. 41-50)

6. Why does Dawn describe her kissing sessions with Travis as “the absolute worst thing I could possibly do to my soul?”
a. because the kissing often led to more intimate physical touching.
b. because she learned to detach the physical actions of sex from its emotional consequences.
c. because Travis was twice her age and made her feel used.
d. because Travis boasted to others about his kissing sessions with a virgin.

You lose your innocence when you learn to detach. You detach in order to
protect yourself. You protect yourself, and sex goes from being a shared,
 outer-directed experience of love to an insular, narcissistic experience of
 insecurity. The answer is to stop protecting yourself, and the only way to do
that is to take yourself out of situations where you have to protect yourself.
To truly connect with someone, you must allow yourself to be vulnerable.
You can’t be vulnerable if you’re always having to ask yourself whether the
man you desire will be there to catch you when you fall. I know that I will
never regain my innocence. But I can regain my vulnerability. -- p. 50
 

Chapter Six: Why It’s Easy to Blame Mom and Dad (and Why You Shouldn’t) (p. 51-61)
7. Dawn’s parents separated when she was 5 years old and divorced when she was six. When she was seven, her Dad remarried and Dawn saw him only on weekends. When she was in the fourth grade, her father took a job across country and she then saw him only one or two weeks
of the year. Dawn believes that her fear that boyfriends would leave her was similar to her fear that her father would lose interest in her if she failed to win his affection. She actually learned to anticipate boyfriends leaving her so it would be less painful. However, Dawn says that three years before she became a Christian, “I have no doubt that my real journey to faith and chastity was jump-started by the healing of my relationship with my father.” What healing took place between Dawn and her father?
a. Dawn’s step-mother helped her father learn to accept Dawn for who she was beyond her accomplishments.
b. Dawn’s father went to her mother and apologized for all the ways he had contributed to the failure of their marriage.
c. Dawn’s father apologized to Dawn for not showing more interest in her as a child, such as attending her school recitals.
d. Dawn’s father apologized for not having talked to her during her teenage years about the importance of chastity.

Chapter Seven: The Meaning of Sex (p. 63-71)
8. The “theology of the body” says that
a. our bodies have the high purpose of communicating God’s love to others.
b. our souls are more important communicators of God’s love than our bodies.
c. I would be lying if I am having sex with someone to whom I am not married because my body would be saying, “I give myself to you freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully” but I haven’t committed myself totally to that person.
d. both A. and C.

Each time I said “Yes” to sex outside marriage, I had been also saying “No” to the
friendship of God. More than that, I was denying my partner friendship with God,
by enabling him to act in a way that went against God’s will for him.-- p. 78
                                                                                                             

Chapter Eight: Saying Yes Like You Mean It (p. 73-81)
9. What does the author mean by saying “Yes” like you mean it?
a. saying “Yes” to God’s will for your life (and saying “No” to thoughts, words, and actions that separate you from Him).
b. developing qualities such as confidence, patience, and self-control.
c. having integrity and honesty when dealing with others.
d. cultivating a thought-life that is predominantly positive, not negative.

Chapter Nine: Tender Mercies -- Reconnecting with Your Vulnerability (p. 83-90)
10. Which is NOT true?
a. When a single woman who wants to get married continues having dead-end sexual relationships, she is not trying to let men inside. She’s trying to shut them out. As she hungers for intimacy but fears rejection, it’s much easier to let a man touch her body than to let him touch her heart.
b. It’s possible to achieve the fantasy of casual sex with no apparent emotional consequences. You won’t get hurt as long as you adopt a hard shell.
c. The same armor that enables a woman to tolerate casual sex makes her less attractive to the kind of man she would like to marry. As she becomes used to viewing herself and her male partners as objects, she becomes unable to give of herself emotionally, and she ends up pushing away men of character who want more than just casual sex.
d. Women who have sex outside of marriage appreciate men for who they really are -- their thoughtfulness, their love of family, their integrity, even their vulnerability.

Chapter Ten: The Iniquity of My Heels -- A Sole in Danger (p. 91-100)
11. Dawn’s fear of rejection appeared in a reoccurring dream as an imaginary lover, a man who disappeared no matter how tightly she held onto him. What did she do to finally make this disturbing dream go away?
a. She confessed all of her premarital sexual experiences to God.
b. She ordered the man away before he could disappear.
c. She stopped dating.
d. She ended a relationship just to prove to herself that she could endure the loss of someone she cared for.

Chapter Eleven: Up Close and Personal (p. 101-111)

12. Dawn believes which of the following is TRUE?
a. For anyone wanting to get married, there are many potential spouses.
b. When a single woman walks into a room at a social event, she should talk primarily with only the men she is most attracted to.
c. The consumer tools that our culture claims empowers single women actually keep them single -- by encouraging women and men to view one another as commodities rather human beings.
d. Use a matchmaking service as an effective way to find a lifelong spouse.

Chapter Twelve: Start Me Up -- How Beginnings Shape Endings (p. 113-121)
13. The author believes I starting every dating relationship as though it was going to resolve into marriage. Why does she do this?
a. because she is pursuing a husband as if she is on a hunt.
b. because she wants her first date with a man to be perfect and “slipless”.
c. because she doesn’t want to do anything at the beginning of a relationship that she would later regret, including dishonesty, disrespect, playing games, or a lack of sexual restraint.
d. because she wants to first engage in physical intimacy to see if it will turn into emotional intimacy.

In 1973, during the height of the sexual revolution, Erica Jong wrote the
semiautobiographical, best-selling book, Fear of Flying, in which she
popularized the notion of “zipless” sex, where the heroine dreams of having
sex with strangers in such a natural, flowing manner that she doesn’t even
notice the intruding sound of a zipper. As of 2006, Erica Jong has been
married four times. -- p. 115, 116
 

Chapter Thirteen: Life Beyond the “Meet” Market (p. 123-132)
14. What is the greatest message the author wants her female readers to receive from this book?
a. In relationships, a man likes to do the hunting. He soon loses interest in a woman who pursues him. He wants to feel as though the woman he is pursuing is a valuable prize and that winning her will bring him a sense of accomplishment.
b. Through chastity -- and only through chastity -- can all the graces that are part of being a woman come to full flower in you.
c. God puts the longing for a husband in one’s heart for a reason and it’s meant to be fulfilled. But there’s a difference between having that longing and making an obsession out of it.
d. Men don’t like to feel used. They don’t like to feel that a woman is interested in them only because she hears her biological clock ticking or because she’s desperately lonely or because she has no life outside watching TV and getting drunk on the weekends. Like attracts like. If you want a man who has strong values -- one who’s deep, wise, and trustworthy -- you have to demonstrate strong values yourself. They have to be obvious in your every word, every action, every breath.

15. What happens when a girlfriend “mothers” her boyfriend?
a. The boyfriend will have great admiration for his girlfriend.
b. The boyfriend will be inspired to give back to her as much as she gives to him.
c. The boyfriend will, out of gratefulness, suggest that they keep better sexual boundaries.
d. The boyfriend will feel adored but not appreciated or needed for anything he can do for her, and he will eventually lose interest.

Chapter Fourteen: Join the Club! (p. 133-145)
16. Which is the LEAST LIKELY scenario for meeting a man with a good character, one who is modest, sensitive, and deep?
a. Going out with a bunch of girlfriends where at least one of them is very attractive.
b. Joining a book club or a reading club.
c. Joining a sports club like running or cycling.
d. A church-sponsored social group that focuses on faith and fellowship instead of alcohol, parties, and bars.

Wearing modest clothes is tantalizing to a good man.
It tells him that you value your body enough not to display too much of it. -- p. 153
 

Chapter Fifteen: Clothes Encounter (p. 147-155)
17. After Dawn set chastity as a goal for her behavior, what helped her to begin dressing in a chaste manner rather than still showing off her body in sexy clothes?
a. Someone pointed out the hypocrisy of behaving chaste in her unchaste clothes.
b. She began treating chastity as a vocation where one dressed to reveal her natural grace without exploiting her body.
c. She stopped wearing fashionable clothing.
d. She started wearing more loose clothing that didn’t fit her very well.

Chapter Sixteen: Crush and Burn -- Dealing with Temptation (p. 157-166)
18. Which is NOT true about a single woman resisting sexual temptation?
a. A woman committed to chastity should pull out of sexual temptation even at the risk of being called a tease.
b. An effective phrase is, “I’m saving myself for my husband.”
c. Masturbation is an acceptable alternative to not having sex outside of marriage.
d. A woman who says No to sex outside marriage is usually rewarded with peace of mind.

Chapter Seventeen: Heavy Mettle -- Mending the Chinks in Your Spiritual Armor (p. 167-175)
19. How did Dawn finally overcome her obsession with Ian?
a. She stopped talking to him.
b. She temporarily stopped dating altogether so she could renew her sensibilities.
c. She started dating someone else so she could take her mind off Ian.
d. She prayed daily for God to cover her with spiritual armor and asked close friends and family members for her.

20. How does Dawn pray for a husband?
a. She prays day and night that God will send her a husband.
b. She prays that he would be an empathetic listener, a good provider, and a wise man.
c. She doesn’t pray for a future husband because she doesn’t want to think that every time she dates a man that “It might be him.”
d. She prays that God would make her ready for marriage, to send her her husband when she is ready, and to grant her patience in the meantime.

Chapter Eighteen: Why Shared Values Matter (p. 177-187)
21. A man and a woman can be in love only if
a. they have passion for one another.
b. they like to do things for each other.
c. they each love what is in the other.
d. they have a lot of common interests.

22. Dawn stopped dating Tom because
a. he was not an honest person.
b. he denied that God had anything to do with alleviating her depression.
c. he pressured her to have premarital sex.
d. he wouldn’t do volunteer work.

Chapter Nineteen: Seeing Is Believing -- Holding on to Your Vision (p. 189-198)
23. Who said that putting faith in action was like a child on the 3rd floor of a burning building who chooses to jump down into the open arms of a strong man?
a. Pastor David Ireland
b. Sister Gerry
c. Joni Eareckson Tada
d. C.S. Lewis

        It is the fear of disappointment that disappoints.
The happiest, most fulfilled people are those who have overcome this fear. -- p 195
 

24. When we realize our complete dependence on God for all things, He gives us a sure sign that our will is aligned with His will. What is that sign?
a. Our showing gratitude to God no matter what our circumstances.
b. Our having material success.
c. Our gaining favor with other people.
d. Our experiencing a significant decrease in uncertainty.

Chapter Twenty: From Willpower to Thrill Power (p. 199-207)
25. This final chapter is about
a. the gift of wonder -- being thankful for the blessings of God because we don’t deserve them.
b. the hardship of self-control.
c. sublimation -- redirecting the pent-up energy of sexual repression into worthy causes.
d. how every single woman deserves a husband.