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Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married
by Dr. Gary Chapman (Northfield Publishing: Chicago, IL)  All rights reserved [176 pages].
[Answer 11 of 15 questions correctly to receive
6 hours of continuing education credit.]

Chapter 1: I Wish I Had Known That Being In Love Is Not an Adequate Foundation for Building a Successful Marriage (p. 15-19)
1. Of the following, which offers the strongest evidence for why “being in love” is not an adequate foundation for building a successful marriage?
a. Not every one who gets married has those feelings of “being in love.”
b. “Being in love” doesn't pay the bills.
c. Many couples who are on their second marriage don't have those same feelings of “being in love” that they had at the beginning of their first marriages.
d. Research indicates that the average life span of the “being in love” obsession is two years. Therefore, every married person eventually loses feelings of “being in love.”

Chapter 2: I Wish I Had Known that Romantic Love Has Two Stages (p. 21-30)
2. What is the second stage of romantic love?
a. Learning to be a good listener to your spouse.
b. Behaving in such a way that your spouse feels respected.
c. Spending regular time with your spouse away from your normal responsibilities and routines.
d. Learning to speak your spouse's primary love language.

Chapter 3: I Wish I Had Known that the Saying “Like Mother, Like Daughter” and “Like Father, Like Son” is Not a Myth (p. 33-39)
3. For better or worse, what is true about the influence our parental upbringing has on our behavior?
a. If your wife's mother was an alcoholic, your wife is statistically more likely to be an alcoholic.
b. When we grow up we tend to resemble our parents in physical appearance or energy level.
c. We often practice the same communication patterns of our parents (i.e. interrupting, talking too much, leaving an argument, answering for the other person, not looking at the speaker, nagging).
d. All of the above.

Chapter 4: I Wish I Had Known How to Solve Disagreements without Arguing (p. 42-49)
4. Which is NOT part of a healthy plan for resolving marital complaints?
a. First, each spouse should take time to listen to the other spouse and then summarize what the other spouse just said.
b. They could compromise and “meet in the middle,” doing some of what each wants.
c. One spouse could outwardly agree to do it their spouse's way, but inwardly be upset about it.
d. They could “agree to disagree” so their disagreement doesn't interrupt their loving behavior toward one another.

Chapter 5: I Wish Had Known that Apologizing Is a Sign of Strength (p. 51-62)

5. Which is NOT true about making an apology?
a. The Scriptures teach us to practice confession and repentance.
b. Saying just the words “I'm sorry” is a sufficient apology.
c. When accepting responsibility for poor behavior by saying “I was wrong,” it's important to add the specific behavior, such as, “I was wrong for speaking so harshly to you.”
d. Learning to speak your spouse's language of apology is more effective than just saying you are sorry. The five different ways of apologizing are 1) expressing regret, 2) accepting responsibility, 3) making restitution, 4) genuinely expressing the desire to change your behavior, and 5) requesting forgiveness.

Chapter 6: I Wish I Had Known that Forgiveness is Not a Feeling (p. 65-73)
6. In the Scriptures, there are 3 Hebrew words and 4 Greek words that are translated as “forgive.” The most basic idea is “to pardon” or “to take away.” Of the following, which is the best explanation of what this means?
a. Forgiveness is my decision to offer grace instead of demanding justice.
b. Forgiving another means there won't be any consequences for their particular wrongdoing.
c. Forgiving another means that I can now trust this person.
d. Forgiving another means that I can now be fully reconciled to this person.

Chapter 7: I Wish I Had Known that Toilets are Not Self-Cleaning (p. 75-81)
7.Which of the following factors shape our expectations for what household duties we think our spouse should do, and what duties we want to do?
a. What duties we saw our mother and father do.
b. What duties we are skilled at doing.
c. What duties we like doing.
d. All of the above.

Chapter 8: I Wish I Had Known that We Needed a Plan for Handling Our Money (p. 83-91)
8. The most common mistake young couples make concerning spending money that they do have is
a. purchasing a house that is beyond their income.
b. going out to eat too frequently.
c. buying new cars.
d. buying too much alcohol.


9. Which of the following financial tips did the author NOT give in this chapter?
a. Save 10% of your income, give away 10%, and use 80% for your living expenses.
b. Never own a credit card.
c. Couples should play the game "Let's see how many things we can do without."
d. One spouse should not make a major purchase without consulting the other.

Chapter 9: I Wish I Had Known that Mutual Sexual Fulfillment is Not Automatic (p. 93-99)10. Which of the following does NOT increase sexual satisfaction?
a. A husband cleans up the kitchen after dinner, takes out the garbage, and helps puts the kids to bed for his wife whose love language is acts of service.
b. A husband spends time gently caressing his wife for twenty minutes before intercourse.
c. A husband who always tries to have a simultaneous climax with his wife.
d. A husband and wife who only engage in particular sexual acts that they both are comfortable with.

Chapter 10: I Wish I Had Known that I Was Marrying into a Family (p. 101-112)

11. Which was NOT one of the five suggested ways to develop a positive relationship with your mother-in-law and father-in-law?
a. If your mother-in-law or father-in-law has a drinking problem, diplomatically tell them they should get help.
b. Work out a compromise to alternately spend holidays, like Christmas, at her parents one year, and at his parents the next year.
c. Listen to your in-laws empathetically in order to understand what they think and how they came to that conclusion.
d. Negotiate differences in order to reach a solution that everyone can agree with.
e. Learn the primary love language of your in-laws and speak them frequently.


Chapter 11: I Wish I Had Known that Spirituality is Not to Be Equated with Going to Church (p. 115-124)

12. Which is NOT true about the spiritual compatibility of a couple dating toward marriage?
a. If they are both Christians, then they are spiritually compatible.
b. What they both believe about how God has spoken and what He has said affects their compatibility.
c. Being deeply "in love" does not guarantee spiritual compatibility.
d. Most world religions encourage their adherents to marry within their own religious tradition.

Chapter 12: I Wish I Had Known that Personality Profoundly Influences Behavior (p. 127-143)
13. Which personality difference was NOT discussed in this chapter?
a. Morning person vs. Night person
b. Optimist vs. Pessimist
c. Television-watcher vs. Reader of books
d. Neat vs. Messy
e. Talker vs. Non-talker
f. Passive vs. Aggressive
g. Logical thinkers vs. Intuitive person
h. Organizer vs. Spontaneous person

Appendix: Developing a Healthy Dating Relationship (p. 149-157)
14. The two subjects that often cause the most conflict in marriage are
a. sex and religion.
b. household chores and money.
c. money and sex.
d. sex and parenting.

15. Which was NOT one of the five aspects of a balanced dating relationship?
a. Intellectual
b. Recreational
c. Emotional
d. Social
e. Spiritual
f.  Physical